ps -ef | grep -v grep | grep [runaway process]| awk '{print $2}' | xargs kill -9

in a nutshell, it prints out the process id from the ps command and uses xargs to pipe it to the kill process.

whew! it saved me a ton of typing, so i thought i’d share.

-m

i always seem to be quite meditative on my life on 2 occasions in a given year: my birthday and new year’s. both occasions give way to reflecting… the former on my life as it has changed over the course of an “age” so to speak, and the later on life over a generally agreed upon set of time. i find both to be different reflections and both to have different meanings.

i’ve worked a lot of hours in the past few weeks. somewhere in the range of almost 3 weeks worth of hours in less than 2 weeks worth of time…. it’s in these times of lack of sleep and pure exhaustion that your subconscious kicks in and brings to light new perspectives on yourself, your world, your relationships, and your desires… it sucked to have to have done all that work, but it wasn’t so bad to have the subconscious do a lot of calculating for me.

iris and i also went to the east coast recently:to d.c., cincinnati, and detroit. while our schedule was packed, there was a lot of time during our drives to look around at the greenery (that’s all you really see when you’re driving out there) and contemplate. not on anything specific, but just to contemplate and let things come to you. i imagine this would be some sort of meditation, but with out your eyes being closed and chanting.

there’s also been a few youtube videos which i can’t seem to stop watching/playing/listening to. the overtones from uc berkeley sing a wonderful a capella version of frou frou’s let go, which of course was a prominent track on garden state. andy mckee does a kick ass guitar version of toto’s africa a song that should be familiar to us who know a little bit of 80’s soft rock. finally, there’s birdy nam nam, a group of turntablists from france who just have some funky shit going on. i’ve been watching them all at least 3 or 4 times a day.

so where has this all led?? i think these things have kind of mashed together to teach and tell me some things: 1) i really like what i do as a career, even tho i’ve been on the edge of burnout. 2) i like music and music videos way too much, and i miss getting down and dirty running doubles with pip on the turntables. 3) getting old isn’t so bad, it’s the weight you gain that sucks (altho i am trying very hard to control my diet and get down 15 lbs by the end of the year). 4) i am surrounded by awesome people, and i can’t be thankful enough to have them. 5) i think i know where i need to go next after i’m done working at PV, i’m just not sure if i’m brave enough to do it.

it’s strange i know, and i don’t expect anyone to really know how these all connect unless i was really asked about them… looking back at the post, i’m not even really sure if i was typing proper english, but i’m sure it made sense at the time. in any case, i hope things continue to swing upwards as we descend towards the end of the year.

thanks to everyone who is in or has been part of my life. you have all played a small role in making me who i am now.

-m

that all took a big flip yesterday… since the beginning of the year we have heard nothing but good news for our company… the numbers were going up, we were getting noticed, talks of acquisitions in the works. and yesterday we were told that we’d have to cut back and essentially hold out for something… it wasn’t bad news, but it didn’t really do much for morale yesterday… and of course there were the various talks and musings that occurred around the office of the potential future of both ourselves and our company.

i don’t think anyone expected it. i know i didn’t. but truth be told, when we signed up to work for a startup, a .com at that, we all knew that it was a risk we had to take. finally that risk comes full circle, and many of us are faced with looking at ourselves and our futures… thankfully we have been given this notification, i think there will be some people who will take it upon themselves to look elsewhere, and i think there will be people who will ride it out.

for me personally, i don’t really know what to think… i’ve never been one to give up on something, and i really don’t feel the need to give up on this. but that is the optimist in me talking. the realist in me says that i should start looking around and find a place to secure my future…. who knows what to do *shrug*

the one thing i do know is that i’ve wanted to work in an environment like this since i started college: small, always challenging and always changing, with unlimited potential… i am a product of the budding internet age, and part of the folklore of the age were the internet startups that peppered the ‘net, all hoping to be that company that helped define the internet. lucky for me, i found one right here in LA.

now i don’t know what my point was to begin with, but i think what i really wanted to get across was this: working at a place that has always been on the verge, even if i didn’t notice it, has been a really awesome experience. i’ve learned so much, and i think that regardless of what happens, i will be a better person after having experienced it.

and one can’t ask for more.

-m